Three weeks later.

This may turn into a whiny post but I feel like I am allowed to whine right now. I am sick (literally I have a cold) and exhausted. This weekend is 3 weeks since Dan came home from the hospital after his brain surgery. What a crazy and busy few weeks it's been. I am not going to lie and sugarcoat things since I am just not that way, I will be honest and say I don't like our new normal right now. Not.at.all.

The past 3 weeks have been full of taking Dan to his PT and OT appointments (with the help of some family too), keeping track of his meds, running errands, taking the kids to birthday parties, driving them to and from daycare (since we are trying to keep things normal for them), keeping up with Dan's appetite, making sure everyone is getting lots of love, kisses, cuddles, and attention....oh and did I mention I work full time?! So basically if my parents weren't here, we wouldn't be eating or have any clean clothes or dishes.

Don't get me wrong, life was hectic prior to his brain surgery since we do have a 2 and 4 year old but now I am doing it all alone and this is not what I signed up for at all. I just want my husband back to the way he was before and I want my kids to have their daddy back rolling around on the floor making forts out of blankets and pillows and playing hotwheels and football. I'm not the fun one. That's Dan. He's the creative one making garages out of shoe boxes, teaching them what every make and model of their hotwheels cars are and making a game out of every car ride too. I just want to yell and scream that it's not fair and trust me, I do yell and scream but never in front of my kids and husband. I guess the "why him, why us, why now" is normal but really, WHYYYYYYYY DAN?????

So every weekend around this time when the kids are fast asleep and I finally get to sit down, I give myself a huge pat on the back that I made it through another weekend. That sounds so silly but it's not even a joke, I say to Dan "I made it! and he says "good job babe." I think to myself how much longer will I have to do this alone? I hate this unknown and I know Dan does too. I cannot even imagine how he feels and he's not the best at communicating his feelings. I ask him often and he tells me he is ready to fight. He is brave and I need to be strong and brave for him too.

This week is the week it will all begin. Dan has been scheduled for his radiation and chemotherapy consultations. We've been told his treatment will begin immediately. I will update at the end of the week once we know more.

Keep the positive thoughts and prayers coming. Your words of encouragement truly lift us up.

Thank you!

p.s. I realize this post is all over the place rambling but you can see how my mind is working these days!